It is the leaning in toward our spouse, the tilt of our head to show our engagement. We are able to convey nuanced emotion just through the micro-movements of our face, body, expression and tone. Our affect is a tremendous source of information for our spouse. Emotional reciprocity is the circle of communication between spouses who respond congruently to one another’s affect. It is found within our greetings and goodbyes, our pillow talk before bed, our conversation over dinner, our mundane and milestone parenting moments, our serious conversations, and lighthearted humor. We meet our spouse in their emotional experience, whether it’s reflecting our affective notice of a simple pleasure, tiny disappointment, or life-changing event. As emotional needs surface on either side, partners turn toward one another for sustenance, providing the feeling of being “felt.” A sacred trust develops between spouses as they cultivate the emotional intimacy of empathic exchange. We nurture with generosity, soothing our spouse with connected words, actions and affective demeanor. We notice when our partner needs attentiveness, and we respond or initiate as necessary. We remain cognizant of our spouse’s affect, understanding it is an outward indication of their inner emotional experience.

In marriage, we practice emotional reciprocity through empathic response. A neurotypical wife’s emotions are often unseen, ignored, mishandled or mistreated. The absence of emotional reciprocity in a marriage to an autistic partner can feel like a barren desert. No matter how many other close relationships we have, emotional reciprocity from our spouse is a fundamental need for the health and wellness of a neurotypical individual. A delighted toddler looks expectantly at our face to recognize the reflected joy in our smile and eyes. A crying baby needs the affective support of a concerned expression and soothing voice. We see across our life span the need for empathic response. Since warm, loving, intimate relationships are a necessity for her neurology, the presence of chronic impassivity from her spouse is a primary factor in the development of Cassandra Syndrome (also called Emotional Deprivation Disorder, Affective Deprivation Disorder or, most recently – Ongoing Traumatic Relationship Syndrome).Īs human beings, we never lose our need for attunement. She is inherently drawn toward connection, and she desires the mutuality of synchrony with her husband. Of all the various categories that require reciprocity in marriage, emotional reciprocity is at the heart of intimacy for a neurotypical wife.

Asbergera and flat affect